If you don’t have iProducts

Disclosure: I am typing this on a Dell desktop running Windows XP, which it has been doing for 7 years now.  I am a PC user.

Full Disclosure: I masochistically despise M$ and have been making increasing forays into Linux (I have Ubuntu on my netbook).  I like my software light, free, and open source.

Commercial break:

I don’t have an iPhone (nor do I plan on owning one in the near future).  But I do have iTunes (slowly weaning myself off in favor of Songbird).  And if you have iTunes, you also have Quicktime.  Don’t watch videos with iTunes?  What? Are you telling me that, in complete contrast to the stated purpose of iTunes as a music player, you’re only using it to play music?

Well, that’s ok.  Because if you have iTunes, you also have ipodservice.exe.  You don’t have an iPod?  You’ll surely break down and get one now, given how neat this executable is.  In addition to running at start up and eating away 5mb of RAM to do nothing whatsoever, it is also extremely difficult to remove and with each update to iTunes all previous methods of removal tend to become outmoded when iTunes decides to reenable the .exe whenever it feels like it.

But if you do manage it, that’s ok.  If you have iTunes, you have the slightly-less-intractable, though also running at startup and at all other times,  iTunesHelper.exe.  As the name suggests, this executable helps iTunes.  No, it doesn’t help the iTunes user (unless you are currently connecting and iPod or iPhone to your computer).  It helps iTunes use up as much memory as it possibly can, adding, give or take, another 5mb to the pile of RAM that you didn’t really need for anything else, did you?

If you do own an iPod or iPhone, you probably see the sense in the previous items.  Sure, they might not really need to run all of the time, rain or shine, but when you need them, at least their there.  Fortunately, Bonjour is also there, because if you have iTunes, you’ve also received a hello that might require me to pardon your French.  Bonjour is designed to help iTunes recognize printers.  So when you want to listen to music, you can… print out a song.  I think it uses the spinning of the printer spool like a phonograph.

If that sounds a bit too newfangled for you, just blink when you update iTunes and you’ll have Safari as well.  Though if you blinked at this stage in the setup, you were probably using IE before, so this is potentially an improvement, or at least not a detriment.

At this point, we almost have enough software to play a song.  But first we need another program that helps us connect the iPhone and iPod that we may not own (in my case, do not own).  Thankfully, if you have iTunes, you also have Apple Mobile Device support.

Now go on, press “play.”  By which I mean check your email.  For, if you have iTunes, you also have MobileMe.

Just kidding, we don’t have enough software yet.  We still need one more for your iDevices: if you have iTunes, you have Apple Application Support, which “is a framework for managing applications on the iPhone, iPod Touch, and (presumably) future devices.”  For such a small device, the iPod sure needs a lot of software.  I can only imagine what the nano version requires.

If you have iTunes, you have Apple Software Update.  Because, if you wanted to covertly receive all of this software, surely you want to keep it up to date while receiving even more software!  And you thought this list was exhaustive.  Peasant.

If you have iTunes, you probably don’t have much room left on your harddrive.

Published in: on 3 June 2011 at 1:12 am  Comments (1)  
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